Posted on December 31, 2015
Happy holidays! I hope all of you had a great Christmas celebration that was filled with lots of love and joy. I also hope that you spent it with your family and loved ones. New Year is right around the corner so I’m trying to make up for my blog. For some time, I haven’t been as active on social media as I should have due to time restraints. I’ve had the busiest schedule for the past couple of months. This lead me to not being able to fulfill my duties to this blog, thus piling up on my backlog. Fortunately, I now have the sufficient time to write something new which I hope you would all enjoy.
As you can see from my title, I’ve added a new category on my blog, Jared&Celine LDR Chronicles. It is a new addition I’ve created that’s devoted to all of my potential blog posts that will be about long distance relationships. For my introductory post for this category, I will be writing about how my (long distance) relationship with my Jared Dean began.
This won’t only be a story about a broken girl’s journey to finding love again nor will it be a rundown of how we met and got together. It will also be about the lessons we’ve learned along the way and the growth we acquired from the struggles we had to go through, as a couple and as an individual. I’m sure that all those who are currently in a long distance relationship would know how difficult it is starting one. For Jared and me, our relationship last year began as long distance.
To begin would take us back to Kuwait in the year 1999. That was when Jared and I first met. We were in second grade together then. Telling you guys the in-between of 1999 to present would take a tremendous amount of effort; so long story short, we have been classmates since the second grade up until freshmen year of high school. During freshmen year, we had a fling for a while, but it was so short lived that we can’t recall much about it anymore. Before our sophomore year in 2005, he left Kuwait to continue his education in Manila while I stayed behind to finish high school. Since he left, we’ve never had any form of communication. DSL or WiFi were not a popular thing yet and it was still Friendster that was the main social media platform at that time.
So flash forward to 2014 in Manila. Earlier that year, my 4.5 year relationship ended because I got cheated on. My ex’s infidelity happened while I was in Australia for Christmas break. I was only gone for a month, but the whole experience broke me to a devastating point. I was fortunately blessed with such an amazing support system that I was able to overcome the depression and all the stress. It took a little while to get back on my feet, but I was soon dating again. I saw a lot of people that year as my friends told me to get out of my house instead of sulking. Jared was one of those few people I got along with. Since then, he popped back into my life after a few comments on his Facebook profile photo. Everything started from there. He was single, I was single; so we gave it a shot.
My relationship with Jared was never easy even from the beginning. He lives in Baguio and I live in Sta. Ana, somewhere very close to Makati. For those who don’t live in the Philippines, that would mean that we were already 254.6km (or 158.2 miles) from each other. (I just googled that). Not only was the distance a hindrance for us, but so was my brokenness. The transition from my previous relationship to a new one was unstable. I was very vulnerable and I had serious trust issues. I always needed reassurance. When I say always, I mean.. All. The. Time.
Though Jared claimed that he had no problem always giving me reassurance I needed, I knew it still took a toll on him from time to time. However, he continued giving that to me whether I’d ask for it or not. It helped me become better because it satisfied a part of me that was still insecure and uncertain. I have to admit that it was Jared who played one of the biggest roles in helping me find security in myself and in everything else. We’ve been together for almost two years now and we’ve been through so much already. In this past couple of years alone, both of our character developments were tremendous compared to the past two decades of our lives.
Starting a relationship varies from what people are looking for. Some could be nonchalant about it and some could be deliberate towards it. Everybody has their own cup of tea. Jared and I felt differently on how our relationship began. For me, it was a very casual thing since I wasn’t really looking for anything serious at that moment. As for him, it leaned onto something more profound. He wanted a meaningful connection. I mean, who wouldn’t want that? I’m not saying that I don’t. It was just different for me at that time because I was busy looking for myself. Sometimes being so broken gets you lost. Fortunate for me, I came across Jared’s path while searching for my own. I can tell you from there that the journey since then has been the best I’ve ever experienced.
Each relationship is different and struggles are a case to case basis. Despite those differences, there are still a few problems that would feel familiar or even similar. Jared and I discussed the challenges and lessons learned from our relationship, and we managed to compare our answers to share with all of you. We hope to be able to help those that are also struggling with what we’ve gone through. It won’t be exact, but it might still help. If we were to list down the five important things we’ve learned when we decided to start this LDR, it would be in the following quotes:
The lack of physical presence is most often compensated by a solid line of communication. In other words, communication is key. For long distance relationships, it’s the most important thing. It is what keeps the couple connected despite the distance. The reason why Jared and I started this relationship was because we began talking everyday. We’re not talking about just chit chat, but actual conversations where both exchange ideas, philosophies, and emotional thoughts to each other. It should be second nature to communicate with one another. Communication between two partners should be effortless. If the connection between the two of you is true, you’d never run out of things to talk about because it’ll be natural. It will just flow. For us, communication was our foundation.
Couples with time zone differences should have more efficient conversations. This is due to the fact that it’s harder to maintain an LDR with different time zones. One could be going to sleep while the other is just beginning their day. Sometimes it can get hard to find an in between those busy schedules. One or both usually ends up compromising time for sleep or time meant for something else. No matter how difficult it becomes when communicating with one another, it should remain constant. If you can’t always have long hours talking, you can send videos, emails, audio messages and the like to your special someone, and we’re sure that they’ll appreciate the effort the moment the receive after a busy day or after waking up/going to sleep.
Bottom line is, always communicate. Couples should always communicate effectively and efficiently. Most misunderstandings and arguments are caused by ineffective and inefficient communication. In most relationships, the longest distance between two people is misunderstanding. That is why it always important to express your emotions and thoughts properly. Again, communication is key.
Earlier, I mentioned that Jared and I felt differently about how our relationship started. Jared wanted a relationship with me more than I did because I was still hesitant. You could say I was still traumatized by my last relationship. I was afraid of getting hurt all over again. I was afraid of investing myself again only to be put down with severe disappointment. With time, Jared made me realize that I shouldn’t let fear get in the way of my happiness. He told me that I should not immediately look for ways as to why it won’t work out, but on to positive ways as to why it could. I remember him constantly reminding me that I should stop looking back at my past if I really did want to move forward to a better future. Like I said, my brokenness was more of a hindrance than the distance between us. I was a total cynic and skeptic.
I spent many days and hours at Baclaran Church to pray for guidance and clarity. It took a couple of months since we started dating before I began wanting it just as much as Jared did. It took a few more months before I fully regained myself. I learned then that if you really want something, nothing can stop you from achieving. The best way around it is to be completely honest with what you want and it will lead you to a head start to getting it. When you decide that being afraid (of the risk, the failure, the change, the pain) is no longer acceptable for you, only then will you take action.
In short, both of you have to want it as badly which will lead you to getting over trials and moments of weakness. Of course, there will be challenges and risks, but your desire for it has to be bigger than those in order to overcome them. I learned that from Jared and it took a while for me to fully digest its full comprehension. Desire > Fear.
This is self-explanatory and very simple. Basically, people make time out of their busy schedules for whatever it is that holds great importance to them. There are 24 hours in a day, you can at least spend a minute or so just to let your special someone be updated with what’s happening with you or to tell them that you love and miss them. It’s very simple. The smallest form of time management. It doesn’t take more than a minute to text or message, “I love you” or “I miss you”, right?
In relation to the communication part earlier, you can make time to send emails, videos and audio messages in your spare time no matter how little it may be. It’s just one simple way of expressing your love across the country/globe.
Time is the best gift you can ever give someone because it is something that you will never get back. Always appreciate the people that see you in their busy schedules and not only when they have the time. In truth, no one is THAT busy if you are a priority in their life.When we first started dating and he wanted to get serious, I remember asking Jared how does he know if we will work out and that we won’t end up disappointing each other. He answered, “I don’t. You’ll just have to wait and see.” It took me aback. I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting that he’d give me a detailed explanation of what he’d do in order to make us work out and all that cliché. He told me that we’d have to live and be there in order to see if we are truly worthy of each other’s trust. A promise can only go so far. You have to let it play out in order to see if a promise will be fulfilled or not. That’s the risk.
“It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn’t work out?
Ah, but what if it does.”
― Peter McWilliams
Other than communication and trust, an expiration date is what helped me decide to go through with the LDR. It’s what gets us through it all, that we both know it’s not going to be permanent. At some time, the distance has to end. Either he will come to me or me to him. We both talked and planned out how we were going to handle it all. It boiled down to him following me in a couple of years once I’ve settled down next year and he finishing with his obligations in Baguio. It’s not a guaranteed thing yet since there will certainly be fortuitous events that will reshape our plans. However, those factors will not change our end goal.
I know about some LDR’s that don’t work out mainly because they didn’t know for how long will they be apart and could not deal with it accordingly. It happens. The important thing is to never lose sight of the goal, but most importantly always live each day as it comes. It should be a balance of working on both goals in order to get there faster. Also, the teamwork should be that of a bicycle. Both of you have to make progress in order to move forward. It should never be one-sided. Again, balance.
So…. there you have it, my beloved readers.
I apologize that it took so long for me to get back to this, but I’ll be able to explain it all in my next blog post (which is due tomorrow among others). So stay posted!
Happy New Years Eve, my beloved readers! 🎉